Calum McSwiggan

All The Best Men Are Gay

In Gay, Love on May 8, 2012 at 9:01 am

‘Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night’

 – Woody Allen

Just the other day I fell down the stairs in the library to be caught by a beautiful boy with piercing blue eyes and enormous arms that could carry you to heaven and back- then, just as he was asking me if I was alright, his girlfriend came round the corner, wrapped her arms around his waist, and cattily shooed me away – That bitch.

I bitterly texted my friend, who responded by telling me to stop going after straight guys because all the best men are gay. It’s a phrase uttered by pretty much every single woman I’ve ever met, and is quite possibly the most irritating thing you can say to a gay man. I know it’s probably intended as a compliment, but really, what are you girls basing this on?

It’s usually followed up with a short-list of two or three famous hot gay men and an anecdote about this one hot gay guy they met once at a party, and that’s where it’ll end.

I go on to list all of the straight celebrities I would quite happily let have their way with me – (Andrew Garfield, Ashton Kutcher, Austin Drage, Adam Levine, Aaron Johnson – And those are just the A’s.) – and then point at the nearest hot straight guy because there’s always one around.

The sad thing is, I see a lot of gay men completely sacrificing their standards because of their limited options. Their type becomes any gay guy they see and they jump from gay guy to gay guy searching for unachievable satisfaction in a self-destructive manner.

We are attracted to such a small number of the population, when you factor in the small amount of gay men in comparison to straight men, it’s no wonder we find it to be slim-pickings. I always give a flirtatious half-smile when I come into contact with an attractive guy, and it’s quite soul-destroying to never get a smile back- and sometimes even get a what the fuck are you looking at?

The truth is, I’ve only ever really been attracted to three gay guys in my twenty-one years of living. I’ve reasoned that some have been alright but rarely do they tick-all-the-boxes. Maybe I’m just picky; maybe I am holding out for the real-life equivalent of the Call Me Maybe Guy; maybe I don’t want to settle for a boy who wears make-up, has highlights in his hair, and shaves off all of his pubes; but maybe that’s okay?

I don’t think it’s just me that has this issue either- only a small percentage of straight people use dating sites, but I don’t think I’ve met a gay man who doesn’t use grindr. We’re limited in options, so we seek out alternatives for meeting gay men.

I think it’s important that, as gay men, we don’t lower our standards because of our limited choice options. Better still, it would be great if our female-companions would stop complaining that all the best men are gay; especially if they have just made-out with a boy we would wear a wig and a dress just to trick into coming home with us.

 Women and gay-men are going to forever have this on-going battle, and I think in all honesty we’re probably all just guilty of wanting what we can’t have. Let’s, then, all agree on one thing: all the best men are taken.

  1. I was just having this conversation with my best friend. I agree with all the best guys are gay but that is BECAUSE I am a woman. Don’t get me wrong I love a manly man but there is something about how a gay man treats a woman that is missing in a straight guy. I think it is simply the lack of attraction to the female that makes a woman trust the compliments and love given. Now add attraction and you have the perfect male mate. Anyway, yes the dating pool is greatly reduced but there are many gays who feel the same way you do and eventually you will find Mr Right. The straight culture may have more to pick from put there are still a small number of Mr or Mrs rights for each person.

  2. Thanks for the positive comment hastywords, and I think you are definitely right, there is a Mr and Mrs right out there for everyone. I think we’re all very quick to get bitchy and start complaining about what we can’t have when we’re single for too long, I know I am!

    And yes, I agree, gay men are very tentative and complimentary towards women, I certainly recognise the beauty in girls even if I’m not sexually attracted to them.


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