Calum McSwiggan

Why I Hate Gingers

In Love on May 12, 2012 at 9:34 am

Topless boy Hot ginger

‘The whole world can become the enemy when you lose what you love’

– Kristina McMorris 

As part of my Out4Marriage video, I briefly talked about my past relationship and how it left me broken hearted, but I didn’t go into any kind of depth. When my ex-fiancé left me, like everyone in the history of everything, I went a bit mental. Screaming into a pillow and breaking things came as standard- I’d fall to pieces over silly things like OH MY GOD HOW ARE WE GOING TO SPLIT THE TESCO CLUB-CARD POINTS? and had emotional breakdowns every couple of minutes.

We all do some insane things when we have our heart broken into a thousand tiny pieces; some of us go crazy after a one night stand, even. My bout of crazy, however, was pretty unique- I developed a hatred for ginger people. When your partner leaves you after almost six years and is going out with a ginger person TWO DAYS later, hating every ginger person on the face of the earth is the only natural solution.

I declared that I hated Ed Sheran, despite the fact that I had an iPod full of his music a few months prior; I almost smashed a TV when I watched Harry Potter and the entire Weasley family were all on screen at once, and then burst into carnal laughter in the scene where Fred Weasley dies; I very nearly threw my drink into the face of my very close ginger friend over dinner; and I quite possibly sabotaged a job interview just because the interviewer was a red-head.

‘And what qualities do you find least attractive in a person?’ she asked me.
GINGER HAIR, I thought through gritted teeth.

This hatred started to bleed into my work, too. Whilst transcribing lectures if a ginger person put up their hand to speak, I would just omit everything they said- I mean, it can’t be of any value if a ginger person said it, right?

I only managed to get over this hatred when I remembered how unbelievably attractive a ginger man can be. I was walking down the street one Sunday afternoon and spotted one of the most beautiful men I’d ever seen. He had flawlessly styled red hair, the most perfect smile and dimples you’d ever seen, and a body to die for; I immediately wanted to take him home to mama. I imagined that as soon as gay marriage was legalised that we’d rush off to the church and get married, we’d adopt red-headed children, and we’d live happily ever after in our gingerbread house.

THAT WAS UNTIL HIS REAL WIFE AND REAL REDHEADED CHILDREN APPEARED AND MY HATRED WAS ONLY AMPLFIED.

And that is why I hate gingers.

(But not really)

  1. And what about Prince Harry? He’s just too deliciously gorgeous not to love. Wonderfully written piece btw.

    • Thanks very much. Prince Harry is all kinds of heaven, I can’t believe I forgot to give him a mention!

  2. Awww, c’mon. Not all gingers are bad. I kinda like myself. Kinda. 😉

    • Aww I know 😉 I don’t really hate you guys, I actually think a lot of you are quite cute 🙂 x

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