Calum McSwiggan

The Mailman Always Delivers

In Gay, Love on May 17, 2012 at 2:20 pm

International Day Against Homophobia

‘Please Mr. Postman, look and see, is there a letter in your bag for me?’

The Marvelettes

In recent years, I was made to hate my job at one of the world’s largest mail companies due to the amount of homophobia on the factory floor- after making a formal complaint I was deemed a bitchy little queer, had my uniform literally ripped from my back, and was escorted off the premises and told not to return. Ever since, I’ve been pretty negative about the postal service, I grimace every time one of their vans pass me in the street, and dread the day one of my ex-colleagues delivers my mail.

That was until I met the courier boy.

He’s visited a couple of times now, picking up boxes of old things I’ve been selling off in preparation of my impending move, all the while being cheeky and flirtatious and brightening up my day. This morning, as the doorbell rang, I hurriedly threw on some joggers, picked up the parcel I had waiting by the door, and ran downstairs intentionally topless to greet him.

Alright mate, he winked, taking the box off me and handing me something to sign- I began undressing him with my eyes as I squiggled down my name, wishing I were a dog just so I’d have an excuse to bite him. I’ll see you soon, yeah? he grinned and swaggered off back towards his van.

Maybe he’s gay, I thought to myself as I waved and shut the door, but in reality I knew that he was just being friendly. There are so many straight guys out there who genuinely possess no homophobic beliefs and are 100% comfortable around gay people- even those attracted to them- and I think it’s a shame that they are always the ones first accused of being gay- even Barack Obama was widely accused of being gay after openly backing marriage equality.

We fight and demand tolerance from people and try to stamp out homophobia, yet we sexually pounce on those that aren’t behaving intolerantly. We often naturally jump to the conclusion that a person must be gay just because they’re being nice to us, and we’re then adamant that we can fulfil the gay man’s fantasy of turning a straight guy.

Today is The International Day Against Homophobia (IDAHO), and while the rest of the world is rightly doing their part by speaking out against homophobia, I’d like to take advantage of this opportunity to show my appreciation for the courier boy and all the other hetero-men out there who support homosexuality (even when we do answer the door topless in a transparent and pathetic attempt to get your phone number)

Maybe next time I’ll answer wearing nothing but a smile.

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